Grasping for Perspective

The last six months have been emotionally draining for me.  I have spent the last 3 years investing in two close friends.  And both decided to walk away from me within 4 weeks of each other.  One friend consoled me while I cried about the other, told me she didn’t understand what the other was saying.  Then she turned and did the exact same thing to me four weeks later.  Unfortunately with the second friend, there has been no escape from the pain for the last two months because her family lives in my house.  For the last two months I have followed my husbands lead and done all the things that a respectful God-fearing woman would do to someone who has stomped all over her heart.  It is not what my “flesh” has wanted to do by a long shot and I have had to grab ahold of God’s promises for me firmly lest I drown, but I have succeeded in repaying every stab with kindness. 

I was doing well enough handling her cruelty until her and her husband turned their actions toward my husband and children.  That has been the hardest to deal with.  This couple claims that I am the only one who is a “horrible and hateful” person, so why have they also decided to be disrespectful to my husband?   How can a man claim to be a spiritual leader of his family and never say thank you for the birthday wishes from my husband and the cards my children made for him?  Why would a mom choose to hurt another mothers children by rejecting their gift for her infant son?  I know that “hurt people, hurt people” but it’s so hard to be on the receiving end of what appears to be blatant cruelty and disrespect.  Usually when hurting people lash out, it is a defense mechanism that they aren’t fully aware of it.  I have been on the receiving end of that — but this looks and feels very, very different.

I know that material possessions are not a major deal in the light of eternity.  I also know that the things I do for others does not give me any “right” to a certain type of treatment, nor do I do things for other with ANY expectation of anything in return.  God says that if you clothe those without clothes, feed those without food, and offer a thirsty man something to drink, then I have served HIM.  I am desperately trying to cling to this.  After seven months of supporting a family of three without asking for a dime and getting nothing but disrespect in return, I have NO choice but to cling to HIS promises for our family.  I know it shouldn’t make it worse, but it does.  Not so much for me, but for my husband.  I have to watch his pain as he wonders why a man that claimed to view my husband as his only true friend, would stab him in the back. 

I have spent the last two weeks counting down the days until they move out, looking forward to not having so much tension in the house, looking forward to the drama walking out the door and never coming back.  Tomorrow they will pack up their belongings and go, and I will probably never speak to them again.  This couple that I called family.  Their son was my nephew, the wife was a “sister” and her husband was like a little brother.  I was nearly finished with a custom quilt for their son and my children were cross stitching two bibs for their son.  I was at a yard sale today and saw the cutest little Halloween costume and I couldn’t buy it because I am not allowed to give any gifts. The pain was almost too much. 

We used to sit and talk about how family isn’t made by blood or marriage.  Family is made by our choices.  We had plans for the future, my husband and I were to be legal guardians for their son should they die at the same time.  I was the only one allowed in the hospital room (other than hubby) when their son was born.  We spent Christmas and Thanksgiving together for the last two years and now…….they will walk out my front door and never speak to me again.  I do not understand this.  I have never walked away from someone simply because we had difference of opinion and I do not understand a persons justification for doing the same to me.  Especially when they decide to be cruel in the process. 

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2 thoughts on “Grasping for Perspective

  1. WE know how you feel. My wife and (soon to be) daughter in law were treated the same way by the same person. I too was told (you are the only person who has said “I trust you”) and then was stabbed in the back and turned on like the man was a rabid dog. I too, told my wife and daughter in law to “be humble and full of grace”. I too, knew what was going on, and was simply following God’s lead in mine and my family’s life. I gave the man the “keys to my kingdom”, my business. I too, wondered how someone could live in another person’s house and not save enough money for at least the first months rent and utilities. I too, wondered at the “supposed abuse” of a Christian woman and family that had opened their home to people in need. But I didn’t wonder for long. I am called to a prophetic and deliverance ministry and this couple is bound, by massive fear, jealousy, rage, envy, lack of grace, murmering and many, many other vicious spirits. But that is no excuse. My wife’s blessings were spit on, my home trashed, our grace stepped on time and again, we have been slandered, our friends, family and church lied to and our name dragged through the mud. Much damage, division and hurt has been caused by the selfish actions of these people. We do not wish them harm and would lovingly receive them back into fellowship with their true repentance and confession of their wrongs. But without that they are “not of us” and so “went out from us”. It is sad but it was their choices, their decisions, their rejection of friendship and fellowship. Not ours and not yours. You were obedient and God will bless that. May the Grace and Mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ abound in your home now. Sincerely, A friend of Jesus and your friends In Christ.

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