Whose to Blame: the Schools or the Parents?

Every time there is a tragedy of epic proportions, the finger-pointing begins. Actually that isn’t exactly accurate, anytime there is a tragedy of any proportion, the finger-pointing begins. This habit of ours is not even all that new. It has been around since the beginning of man, it is our base nature to not want to admit the error of our own choices.

God asks Adam in Genesis 3:11 “…Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
This is the reply of the humans:
Genesis 3:12-14
“The man said, “The woman you put here with me — she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it.”
Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
In both instances neither man nor woman owns up to their choice to eat what was forbidden of them to eat.

The second act of sin we are shown was also finger-pointing. (The first being disobedience of the Lord’s Commands). This trend continues with Adam and Eve’s children: Cain and Abel. A brief back history of the sons is this: Cain tended the plants and crops of the land and Abel tended the animals. In this very early time of our world, it was very customary to show our thanks to God by giving back, in sacrificial burnings usually, the choicest portions of the “fruits” of the their labor. It was a sign of thanks, respect, reverence, etc. Cain choose to give just any old thing he found lying around the orchards and fields while Abel gave the very best fattest portions of the flocks. God was not pleased with this and did not look upon Cain with favor, and Cain was angry at the Lord.
There is not direct ask and answer section that point-blank states that Cain blamed Abel for this problems, instead we are shown Cain’s actions. Did Cain change his behavior and bring the choicest portion of harvest? No, he instead deceived his brother and murdered him in cold blood. (Genesis 4:6-8) It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Cain blamed his brother for his problems and thus, chose to eliminate him.

I use these two references for many, many reasons, but it is not hard to see why. These two instances of sin in our world have followed mankind throughout its history, never more apparent than now.
Our headlines are riddled with sad stories of person after person after person stamping out the life of another in horrendous ways. In every instance there is always our desperate need to know “why” and nine times out of ten, the answer is always that someone else did or didn’t do something they should or should not have done. The main instances we can see this behavior is when someone, regardless of their age, decides to open fire on a school or mass institute full of helpless people (hospital). The main topic discussion eventually turns to questions of whether or not the parents or the education system in to blame for this persons error in logical thinking.
For myself and myself only this is my answer. The person choosing to commit mass homicide is the ONLY one responsible for the murders. End of story. I do not care at all what horrors they encountered as a child, and I don’t care if this makes me appear heartless. I did not say that I have no sympathy for their trials and horrors, I merely do not believe that they can make any allowable excuses for that person. We are all responsible for our own choices, it is as simple as that.

Now, as much as I hate the finger-pointing games we play, I thought I would turn the publics antics and use them against them with some simple straight forward numbers and let the chips fall where they may.
Let us begin.
Assuming that average two parent family is earning two incomes.
Every calendar year contains: 365 days.
Weekend Days: 104
Government Recognized Holidays: 10
Average # of days a child will be in the care of a parent: 114
Average # of days a child will be in the care of a “stranger”: 251
The average child starts going to day-care around age two, so that gives them 3 years of daycare before they start government mandated “public education”.
The average child starts changing classrooms for each subject in 6th grade with the average of 6 subjects per day.
Over the course of a child’s life from 2-18 the number of “strangers” caring for, educating, molding, mentoring and shaping the average American child is: 46

Now I don’t know about you, but that is simply unacceptable to me to think that 46 people I know next to nothing about are spending over 9 hours a day for 251 days of the year molding, shaping, mentoring, and guiding our children. And starting in the 6th grade, those strangers spend less than one hour at a time with 35-45 children all grappling for attention. Less than one hour is not anywhere near enough to teach our children the life skills they desperately need to function in life, especially if that isn’t even one-on-one attention. And at the age in which an individuals hormones are raging out of control and normal, structured, mature thinking is very challenging; this is the age in which we start bouncing them from one teacher to another. That is simply illogical.

I realize that homeschooling simply isn’t an option for some families, and honestly is not a decision to be taken lightly at all. And I am in no way saying that it is our only option to solving our problems, because it most certainly isn’t. But when one starts to really look at the numbers, it makes all that finger-pointing a little bit more complicated. If a parent spends less than half of a child’s life mentoring to them and spending time with them, is it not entirely possible that the school system truly is to blame for our craziness? It makes it a lot harder to “blame the parents” for the faulty thinking of an individual.

But I circle back to the beginning of this entire discussion and remind you of my original belief — we are all responsible for our OWN choices. For our society to adapt, change, grow, develop for the better and shape our future generations, the answer is not in how many days a child spends with who. It all comes down to what we are ALL teaching our children. For our society to see a positive change, there must be a change in us and our ways of thinking. Finger pointing needs to disappear, completely. A criminal should not be able to bring a suit against the liquor store that sold him the alcohol after he got in a deadly car accident while drinking and driving. Yet our judicial system allows this type of nonsense on a daily basis.

It is our base human nature to blame others for our faults, no one teaches us this habit. But we do in-grain and promote this habit when we allow it to flourish. My children have never hesitated to say, “But my sister…..” or “He started it.” I have never taught them that this is allowable, and yet in that moment when guilt settles on their shoulders, their natural overwhelming desire is to get out from under that weight. We must begin now to teach our children that blame is never allowed and absolutely nothing anyone does to them gives them any rights at all to bring harm to another human being. This needs to be reinforced with the understanding that we will very much feel like causing others harm, but that is entirely different from having any right to do so.


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