Boundary Building in a Nut House

Being adopted means so many things to so many people. All my life I have struggled with the lie that I was less “family” than those who were related by blood. All my life I have given into the unspoken pressure that I had to outperform others or end up being less loved. Always jumping through imaginary hoops and letting others take advantage of me, all to be loved and accepted.

I have learned a thing or two along the way. I have experienced some deep pain on that journey. Some pain could have been avoided by making better choices, but a lot of it was inevitable. I cannot control what others choose to do to me. I can only control what I choose to do in response to their actions.

Sitting in church on Sunday, I found myself moved to tears. I could not figure out why, but I went with it. I allowed myself to feel my feelings, as much as I didn’t understand where they were from. Halfway through prayer, God gave me the answer. I was grieving for my family. I was grieving for all the missed opportunities, all the missed family outings, all the missing love because of our stupid choices. I was moved with compassion and a heavy heart for my family members, for people who had done myself and those dear to me great wrongs. I told my husband on the way home that I was tired of the full-grown adults in my “family” acting like four-year olds.

I have done a lot of growing in the last two years, and I have a lot more to do still. But I can already look back and see a lot things that I could have done differently. It probably would not have changed the outcome of circumstances, but at least I would have know that I had done my part to keep things clean and healthy. There might be a little less pain knowing I had placed better boundaries, heck in some cases placed ANY boundaries. There is so much I cannot change, there is so much I am powerless to control now, for the first time I am learning the fine art of holding ones tongue. I have watched the pain inflicted upon others and all I can do is tuck those lessons into my heart, pray I never forget them, never commit them myself and share them with others wishing to make better choices.

Remember this above all others — my memories are my memories, faulty and incorrect or otherwise and you can never in a million years change them. The same is true in reverse. You cannot change another persons memories or perceived slights against them. Accept it, accept the difference in memory and find a way to move forward.

Blood and Marriage Certificates do not make a family. Our choices make a family.

Blood relations or marriage certificates are not “get out of jail free” cards. These “titles” of aunt, uncle, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa etcetera do not entitle you in any way to do what ever you please. These “titles” do not insure you any special treatment or placement at wedding, baby showers, births, funerals, birthday parties, or any other occasion you can think of.  The other persons special engagement/occasion is not your special engagement, therefore, they do not owe you anything, nor should you expect anything because of it.

If it doesn’t belong to you, do not touch it, throw it away, send it off, give it away, burn it, change it, alter it, or in any other way make it so that the owner can no longer claim it or identify it.  No matter how unimportant it may seem to you, this is not a deciding factor.  Things that are not yours, are not yours, end of discussion. If they are in your house, take the appropriate, decent steps to return them to their rightful owner.  Make contact, arrange pick up, mail or shipment options and follow through.  No emotions are allowed to be involved in said transaction, regardless of infarction that caused the emotions.  I know this is extremely hard in some circumstances, but is still necessary.  Arrange for a third-party to handle the transaction if necessary, but be a big girl/boy about the whole thing.

Do not assume anything and do not take everything personally.  The world does not revolve around you.  Where a family member chooses to move, when they do or do not return your phone calls, why they said yes or no to any invite or offer of help, if they chose to take off work, or not take off work, the limit to which they are able to extend help or support these are all choices they make and you cannot control them.  Yes, we all know that sometimes things are decided in a hurtful way, but this is their issue and they need to work through that.    We are all human, and we all make decisions of our own, good and bad.

When asked something, be honest, but polite about it.  If you ask for something and a person extends what they are able and you accept without expressing the need for more, you are not okay to then throw back in their face that they did not give you what you wanted.  Accept what they give freely and graciously and look elsewhere to fill the other spaces needing to be filled, or just accept that this situation might be of your own making and you might have to face some of it alone.  The same is true in reverse.  If a someone asks for help, do not offer more than you can give, or are comfortable giving.  It is not okay to over extend yourself on their behalf and then harbor resentments of time spent, money lost, emotional turmoil endured, etcetera when you did not place healthy boundaries to begin with.

Do not cut off contact with a family member out of spite, then throw in their face that they were never around.  If you don’t tell gramma about the dance recital, she can’t be held accountable for not being there.  If I don’t invite Uncle Charlie to Christmas dinner, is it his fault that I didn’t hear from him the whole season?

If it matters to you, maintain the contact in someway. Sending a thoughtful birthday card, or little note for no reason at all can really take a relationship to a different level.  Even if you do not get one from that person.  But do not do it because you feel that you have to, because we can see right through that.  Each person is responsible for some part of the relationship, no one person can carry it by themselves, nor should they feel obligated to.  Some of us are natural relationship nurturer’s, and others of us –  not so much.  But there should still be a little give and take.

Do not under any circumstances send bad information via text or email.  I do not care if the person you need to speak with ran over your dog, sent you hate mail and put bleach in your shampoo bottle.  If their mother dies and you find out about it first, a text is not acceptable.  A text from a third-party is even less acceptable.  Think of how your heart would wrench and your temper would flare being the recipient of such a text.  Find a way to make it amicable, keep it short and sweet, but tell them over the phone or in person if at all possible.  And please, for the love of Pete, do not Facebook it.

When you have done wrong, own up to and make it right — face to face if at all possible.  And no, a lack of motivation to bother to place it into your schedule does not make it “not possible”.  If you steal something, return it in person, and apologize face to face.  Nothing makes a lesson hit home like having to look someone in the eye and see the hurt you caused.  Nothing makes the healing happen faster than looking into those same eyes and seeing the grace and forgiveness that comes when you had the courage to do what was right.  Parents:  If your children are responsible for it, guide them in these steps.  Teach them now how to own up to their mistakes and make it right.  Show them that it is okay to make a mistake and that they can learn from this.  Mailing a stolen item when the victim is one city over is not okay and does not foster good relations.

Boundaries extend in both directions.  Your own, and others.  Your boundaries protect you, their boundaries protect them.  Getting angry when you run up against their fence does not help the fence come down or be moved.  This only stands to make the fence bigger, taller and longer.  This can be the hardest for us as humans, we want what we want, even if it means having double standards to get it.  This is can cause havoc amongst parents of now adult children, between now adult siblings, and even between spouses.  Do not ask for anything you are not willing to extend to others yourself.  Do not put up any boundaries that you cannot enforce.  Please remember to enforce with decency, there is a human being on the other side of that fence.

Grudges are going to be made and held, we all do it, even when we don’t want to.  Understand that as we try to work through the pain of others choices against us and our own bad choices things can be bumpy and rocky.  Their may be some distance involved.  Try your best to be tactfully honest with someone who has hurt you when you plan to distance yourself.  If the pain is still fresh, but you want to venture into relationship territory again, be honest about this as well.

Honest is always the best policy.  The worst thing you can do is lie or inflate the truth to save hurt feelings.  The disrespect you display when lying hurts far more than the truth, said in love, ever will.

Do not make decisions for others based on the “conversation in your head” you had with them.  It is not cool to assume what they will say in response to a question you might ask and so in turn you choose not to ask.  This is very disrespectful; allow each person the consideration of making their own decisions.  If someone else is going to over extend themselves, that is not your responsibility, nor should you feel guilty about it in the process.  This is a very hard decision to make, especially if you know the person who overextends themselves then treats you in an unpleasant manner in return for the resentments they created themselves.  This is were healthy boundaries and honesty come into play.

And the best for last….if you buried the hatchet, do not dig it up again.  If a problem was talked out, resolved, apologizes spoken and steps taken to foster healthy relationships, leave it alone.  If NEW memories or perceptions arise, talk it out with a safe alternate person first.  Find out where these feelings are coming from and whether or not it is appropriate to bring it up with the other person.  If it is determined that it is safe and appropriate to discuss, do so with “I” statements, not in an attacking manner.

 

Invisible Pain and Illness

In a world full of judges, it can be hard to make decisions for yourself that you know you need to make. Every time I turn around I hear of another ridiculous judgement handed down to some criminal or selfish small-minded person who decided to sue over something trivial and avoidable if common sense had been used.

Every circle of women that gets together seems to talk about nothing but what so and so did, what so and so said, and so on. “Oh my goodness, did you hear what Stacy did?” “Bless her heart, she just doesn’t know any better than to do blah, blah, blah.” I cannot believe that woman lets her children eat, watch, do, listen to….” That father is never there for his children, all he does is work, work, work.”

These examples don’t really have anything to do with what I am struggling with today, but the attitude prevails all topics. Judgement that others have no business placing on those they know nothing about. Judgement that others have no business placing on those they do know.

How do you know what anyone is going through? How do you know what anyone suffered as a child that has formed their thinking patterns today? How do you know what that person is struggling with in an effort to make different choices? Point blank — you know nothing.

I was guilty of a current line of judgement that I am now on the receiving end of, and there isn’t much that can convict a person more than being in a pair of shoes they used to watch someone else walk in.

Invisible Pain and Illness has struck my family in two ways. First with my mother, and then with myself. A perfectly healthy looking individual can be struggling with any number of ailments that you cannot see. You can know a person for years and never know that they have an illness that will one day take their life from them. You can sit beside someone in church, work with them daily, and never know that they suffer from chronic debilitating pain. So how can you judge the person you just saw pull into a handicap space at the grocery store that “looks” normal? If you can know someone and still not know them, then how much less can you know that stranger who just snapped at her child?

There are few people who know that I suffer from Fibromyalgia and widespread neuropic pain. If there are close friends of mine that do not know that a simple trip to the grocery store can send me home in tears, then how could a fellow shopper know?

 I do not often use the motorized carts at the store for several reasons. All of them are because of my own hang-ups. All of those hang-ups are confirmed by thoughtless people nearly every time I decide to use one. I have my age working against me from the start. A 30-year-old, healthy looking girl with two rambunctious children in tow does not “look” like she needs an electric cart. But how do you know what the inside looks like?

 Lately, with my husbands pay cut, a grocery store trip is no longer a simple affair. I now have no choice but to sometimes go to 2 or 3 stores to get what we need within the small amount of money we have. This is next to impossible for me to do in one day, but I HATE spending three days of the week at the store. So I make the not so good choice to at least fit in 2 stores in one trip. Today was one of those days. I have also started going to a new store to try to see if I can save us more money on fuel for my gas guzzling van. This means that I do not know where everything is, and requires me to spend more time than normal walking the aisles.

 When I walked into the store, I felt pretty good. My pain was at it’s “normal” level, so I did not think of getting an electric cart. As I was heading out the door 45 minutes later, I was really wishing I had. As I pull into my parking space and store #2, I decide that I will use the electric cart.  I only have a few things left that I couldn’t find at the first store anyway. Half way through my shopping trip, I cross paths with a young man who thoughtlessly said,

“Wow! Now that’s lazy!”

I wanted to explain myself to him. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to run him over with my buggy.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide my own conviction. How many times had I thought those same things about others? While I do not believe I have ever said it out loud, does that change anything? I still had the indecency to think it.

Now on the receiving end of it, I can’t believe how much it hurts.

Please, think twice before casting your thoughtless words or not-so-criptic glances in the direction of those less fortunate than you.  Especially if you cannot tell why they are less fortunate than you.

Personal Research Survey

I have not gotten as much of a response on my facebook account or through the personal emails that I sent out as I had really hoped I would get.  So I thought I would try putting it up on my blog.  Those who have read previous blogs know what this survey is about.  Just doing some personal research that isn’t touched or filtered by paid survey companies.  I have no target audience, so the results will not be trimmed and pruned to suit my opinions.  The survey is 100% anonymous, I will have NO idea who has answered the questions when the results are sent to me, so your privacy is completely protected.  If any of you would be willing, it would be super cool if you could “reblog” this and help me in getting responses.  I would really like a healthy quantity of people to take this survey.  Thanks to all my followers and readers, I appreciate the support.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RFPNX5S

Reverse Economy fosters Poor Customer Service

 

Is it just me, or are my blogs getting longer…and longer…

Sorry guys, I talk a lot. Enjoy

Reverse Economy fosters Poor Customer Service 

Remember when cashiers would remember you by name and made eye contact and smiled when you checked out from the store?  I do.  There was a grocery store in my home town that wasn’t a huge corporation that spread over the continent.  As a matter of fact the store only operates in southern California, so there is no huge corporate conglomerate sitting God knows where sucking up all the profit.  And when I was a kid, the one in my neighborhood had the same cashiers working in it for years, slowly making their way up the management chain through hard work and good work ethics.  I even remember when one manager retired, he invited my family to his retirement party; he had watched me (and every other kid in the neighborhood) grow up in his store.  Employees had to go through rigorous training and lots of tests before they would be allowed to be cashiers.  They had to know a lot of prices and product location and be able to remember the code for 40% of the products in the store before they were allowed to be a cashier.  Sounds crazy right?  Almost sounds unfair or unreasonable based on today’s standards doesn’t it?  But it isn’t, it makes sense.  And despite the fact that this grocery store is not country wide, despite that it’s only customers are in an economy collapsed state, they are still going strong and showing no sign of collapse.  I wonder why? 

So far, my Wal-Mart survey has not reached a lot of people.  I only have 9 responders.  However, in even that small pool of people, over 60% of them say that Wal-mart has standard or less than standard customer service.  How is it then that they are still one of the most profitable stores in the country?  If your local “mom-and-pop” shop that baked bread and pastries treated you that way, how quickly would you quit shopping there?  Fast enough to make the average person suffer whiplash would be the most likely answer.  What about that local hardware place your grandfather used to go to?  Yeah, it’s small, and may not have the huge selection that Home Depot has, but I bet the employees know everything there is to know about nearly every product in that store don’t they?  And if they treated you the way most employees do at other stores, you would be just as quick to stop going there wouldn’t you?

So, why does the same logic not seem to hold true for our huge corporate chains?  You know what I am talking about.  The snot nosed, sagging pants teenager who is more concerned about her next break and calling her boyfriend that paying attention to the items she is scanning.  Or the rude snobby lady at the Macy’s that can’t even be bothered to give you more clear directions on where the bathroom is.  All you can get out of her is, “upstairs” without even a sideways glance in your direction.  (Not to mention the prices!!)

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that this kind of customer service is everywhere, all the time.  Yes, sometimes there are great cashiers and great customer service agents walking the halls in your various corporate chains.   But it seems to as though it is quickly becoming a fading reality.  So what does that have to do with this “reverse economy”? 

  Do you remember Economics in high school?  Or how about Economics 101 in college?  Do you remember a little thing called “supply and demand”?  How was that supposed to work again? 

We, the customer, ‘demand’ a product or service.  They, the company, ‘supply’ us with it.  Not to mention the fact that our level of ‘demand’ was directly related to the price of the product.  Yes, I know the level of availability had a lot to do with it as well, but without the ‘demand’ it didn’t matter if your product was nearly free, no one would buy it.  This also meant that if your product was wanted by everyone, you didn’t need to make it extra expensive, the price could be very reasonable and you would still make more than enough profit off of the sheer volume of sales.  (So what’s up with the gas prices then?)

A good example of supply and demand:  I used to work at this awesome little bagel shop.  A little mom-and-pop place, literally, the husband and wife came up with their gig and ran it together.  They made about 17 different types of bagels and delivered them to car dealerships, doctor’s offices, hospitals, warehouses, etc for about a 50 mile radius.  During open business hours they sold bagels and killer sandwiches made with the bagels, specialty in house made cream cheeses, orange juice and smoothies.  This company had a total of 12 employees, not including the husband.  They started baking bagels at 4 am, finished delivering by 7 am and opened for breakfast at 730 am.  They closed for the day at 1pm, just after lunch.  After paying for all their supplies, taxes, bills and employees, this company grossed, on average, 750,000 dollars!!  The year before mom-and-pop got a divorce was their highest grossing year every with 1.2 million.  Do you know how they did it?  Supply and demand, combined with phenomenal customer service, and an amazing product that was not short on quality.  The area wanted what they had, and they supplied it well and treated their customers amazingly. 

  The supply and demand factor worked well.  They didn’t bake 1,000 extra bagels that they knew they wouldn’t sell.  They made the orders they needed, plus the same extra that they usually sold every day.  If the jalapeno bagels weren’t really a hot seller did they make 50 of them the way they made 50 of the Onion that sold out every day?  The correct answer is – No. 

And my point is?  My point is this: do you think that this company would have made that much money, or lasted as long as they did if they had treated their customers the way Wal-Mart’s employees (or McDonalds, or Burger King, or Wendy’s, or Home Depot, or anyone) treat us half the time?  I know that not all places have bad customer service all the time.  However, if my survey shows that out of just 9 people the score for customer service was below satisfactory most of the time, how does that translate for a small company?  If you take that average and apply it to this small bagel shop, how long would they have lasted?  A year?  Maybe two?

Enter what I have decided to call: Reverse Economy.  Supply and demand is a thing of the past.  No longer does it matter that we do not need it.  No longer does it matter that we cannot afford it.  No longer does it matter that we have no idea what it is.  We will buy it anyway because we have been convinced we should.  The newest gadget?  Gotta have it.  Does it matter than I already have one that works very well that I only bought 1 year ago?  Nope.  This new one has a .45” bigger screen…..gotta have it!  Does it matter that the phone companies you use charges you out the whazoo for everything, taxes each individual item on each individual phone, and locks you into a contract that isn’t really what they say it is?  Nope.  You will complain and gripe, but you aren’t paying that cancellation fee and by the time your contract is up in two years you will have forgotten all about this and sign up again.  Not to mention the fact that you paid them FAR more than you ever would have had you just cancelled.

The fashion industry changes what is “hip” about every 2 seconds, which also translates into….buy it now!  It won’t be here tomorrow!  Already have 15 pairs of shoes?  So what….these are blue!  You don’t have a pair that is blue and it’s the only thing that will match with the one dress you have that you wear once a year.  I swear the average woman has at least 4 different kinds of everything: shampoo, conditioner, razors, shaving cream, foundation, mascara, etc.  How many of us, right now, could go into our closet or drawers and pull out enough underwear to last two weeks or more without having to wash clothes? Does this same logic seem to apply to the corporate chains?  At first glance it might seem so, but if you really started paying attention, you would find this to be false.  They stock large quantities of what’s “in” at the moment, food included. 

They do not have to spend the time and money trainging their employees on good customer service,

because they know that you will be back tomorrow anyway.  They do not have to spend the time and

money trainging their managers to handle disciplinary action paperwork on the employees because

they know that you wll be back tomorrow anyway.  You have to have what they have on their shelves,

and they have you sold hook line and sinker that its just so much easier to get it from them than to go

somewhere else.

I do not believe that we create the economy we shop in anymore.  They create it for us and we buy it, because we believe we have to, or truly believe that these things are needs and not wants.  I use the current trend of teeny tiny shorts as my example.  I will NEVER buy my daughter those shorts.  EVER!  I do not know what moms ever started to.  What I want to believe happened is this:  Someone somewhere in some fashion place said they were “hot” and “trendy”.  So the stores stocked them.  The choices were limited, much as they are now.  I believe that originally there were the regular shorts available, but a higher amount of teeny shorts were stocked.  Thus, once the normal shorts were gone, moms felt pressured to buy what was there because their kids “needed” those clothes.  This created a false sense of what was popular and thus the cycle continued year after year with the selection of modest shorts shrinking exponentially and the selection of teeny shorts multiplying exponentially.  Not to mention…..getting shorter and shorter exponentially. 

No one can ever convince me otherwise.  Call it ignorance if you wish, I don’t care.  I cannot bring myself to believe that millions of mothers are truly, honestly, willingly sending their daughters to school in hooker shorts.  I believe they do it because they just don’t stop and think about the fact that there are other options, their daughter will not truly die if she does not have them, and they should be the ones in control of the product available to them and not the other way around. (Not to mention the amount of “sex” shoved down our throats in every media outlet on the planet). 

Our credit score is even geared for consumption.  No longer is a good credit score gained by honest spending.  No longer is a person considered a good credit risk if they have NO debt.  Now, if a person has debt, they have a good credit score.  What the heck is that?  You mean, if I spend MORE money than I make, I get a high credit score?  I don’t know about you, but that kind of math doesn’t work in elementary school.  If Tommy has $10 and wants a toy that costs $15 dollars does Tommy have enough money?  The answer is no, plain and simple.  How is a parent supposed to teach their children good spending habits?  I can teach my child to not spend more than they have, to save their money and use it diligently, and make their money work for them.  Then they leave home and they operate the same way.  After college they want to buy a house.  What does the bank tell them?  “I’m sorry, you don’t qualify, you don’t have any credit.”    

Say What?  You mean, that because I have no debt and obviously am not delinquent on the debt I do not have, I have no credit score?  I have to basically mismanage my money and spend beyond my means to get the credit score I need to buy the house I want.  And, the banks will tell you that you qualify for a larger loan that you could ever realistically pay on a monthly budget.  I could go off on a whole other subject with that, but, I won’t. 

That is what I call a reverse economy, an economy that controls the consumer instead of the consumer controlling the economy.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve had control issues for a long time, I do not like being told what I can and cannot do (or buy).  So I am fighting back.  It won’t make a difference to their bottom dollar, and I hold no dreams that it will.  But it makes a difference in my household.  It makes a difference to the type of money spending habits that my children see me exercising.  It won’t make a difference to the corporation’s bottom dollar today, but maybe, just maybe by the time my children are adult consumers, or my grandchildren are adult consumers, things will have changed and the American people will be in control of the economy again.  Maybe.  

The Truth about your “All American” Store (Wal-Mart and Sams Club)

Just a warning:  This is a long one.  It’s the first “soap box” speach of many more to follow on the same subject.

How often do you go to a Wal-Mart and leave with a less than satisfying experience? Now, I will give you this much, their prices are pretty great most of the time. However, a lot of the time, the quality is reflected in that price. Most of their items fall apart very quickly or are poorly made in the first place. Wal-Mart is the one place where I must agree with my ‘brand name is always best’ husband – you get what you pay for, or don’t pay for in this case.

But think back on your last three Wal-Mart shopping trips. Did you find everything you wanted? And I don’t mean what you have accepted that you are going to find, but what you actually wanted? Were the aisles clean and well stocked? Was a sales associate easy to locate? Once you found one, were they knowledgeable and helpful? Or were they a pants sagging, sassy mouthed, less than respectful teenager? Or for that matter a less than respectful fully grown adult?

Did you see anyone smile? Wait, let me rephrase that. Did you see anyone smile WHILE serving you? Not the smiling they do when they are hanging around gossiping with one another and NOT doing their job. Now, most times when I go into Wal-Mart I do not get downright horrible service, sometimes, yes. However most of the time I get bare minimum service. You know the kind I am talking about, but you probably aren’t aware that it is even happening, or that there is something substandard about it.

When it comes time to check out of Wal-Mart, this is the typical service I get:

     I place my items on the belt.

     The cashier rings them up.

     I slide my card and enter my pin and hit the various yes/no responses to the mindless questions.

     I get my receipt handed to me; I grab my bags and leave.

     End of story.

Now, you might read that and be wondering what in the world my point is.

My point is that this is what it SHOULD look like:

     I place my items on the belt.

     “Hi! How you are today? Did you find everything you needed?” (Associate speaking WITH A  SMILE AND EYE CONTACT)

     “I’m doing well, thanks. And no, actually I didn’t find everything. I was looking for streamers.”

     “Oh, I am sorry that you couldn’t find those. I’ll put on my light and have a manager come over and we will find out about that. “(Or simply tell me the answer if they TRULY know the answer)

     “Thanks. Other than that, everything is fine.”

     “Great. Your total is $15.75.”

     I swipe my card and answer various questions, blah blah blah.

     “Here’s your receipt. Thanks for shopping with us, have a great day!” (And the manager would be here by now WITH A SMILE and a POLITE attitude with an answer for my question.)

Now that’s HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. Tell me, can you honestly say that you remember whether or not that happened? And if you can’t remember, pay attention the next time and find out if the reason you can’t remember is because it happens all the time or because you have become desensitized to substandard bare minimum service.

Also, in answer to my question about the streamers I actually had that question. My VERY last trip to Wal-Mart almost 6 months ago took us 20 minutes and we walked out with nothing. It took the manager, who was not very polite in the first place; 20 minutes to find out that this particular location no longer carried streamers. REALLY! You’re Wal-Mart. You carry 15-20 different licensed character plates, napkins, cups and useless party favors but not streamers!! That was the last and final straw for me. I walked out and I have not set foot inside a Wal-Mart since.

And now I get to the part about the truth behind your All American Store. Two weeks ago, however, my cats needed food and Sam’s club has by far the cheapest price. So, since I had not done any research to find another place to buy their cat food, I folded and went to Sams on the way to my parents’ house. I put the cat food in my cart and got a few bottles of Bolthouse Farms fruit juices, which are also a phenomenal buy. When I checked out, the cashier asked me why I was not a Members Plus member. I told her that I had no clue since it was primarily my parents’ account. She rattled off some stuff about it saving money, loading coupons onto the card, saving such and such percent off prescriptions and optical. Don’t remember exactly what she said; only that later research on the subject determined it all false. The main part that I remember, which is the part prompted the research in the first place was that she told me instead of my membership costing $100, it would only cost $19.76. I thought this extremely odd, since the number was not a round number, but regardless I could not make a decision because it was not my account.

I made it to my mom’s house and asked her about our membership prices. She confirmed what I already had figured out on the drive up. Our membership was only $35 per person or household. Either way, the total was not $100, it was either less than or more than. So what $100 was she talking about and how would she have known how much we spend all together anyway? Since we were now thoroughly confused, my mom got online and started researching. I won’t bore you with all the fine details. But I will say that after 2 ½ hours of searching, we were NOT pleased with our findings.

1.      *Membership Plus is $100 PER PERSON.
2. * Membership Plus does offer coupons that get loaded onto the card at your choosing. However, the savings is only $300 a year IF you use ALL the coupons. Most of the coupons are useless to the average household. Some months you only get $11 worth of savings. This means, your high dollar savings is going to be on high dollar items you probably aren’t going to buy anyway.
3. *There are no prescription savings unless you are on Medicare, and even then, it is minimal. The only benefit for prescriptions with Membership Plus is that you get pushed to the front of the line. Which, while that may sound fine, I am sure ALL of you remember elementary school and NONE of us liked it when people cut in line simply because they thought they were better than the rest of us.
4. *The savings in optical is only if your insurance plan will allow a discount, and it usually gives THEM the discount and not you. So there is no saving there either.

So all in all, Membership Plus is a rip off. Now to answer the question I am sure you all are having. What happened to the $19.76 that I mentioned earlier? The amount that I would have been charged at the register had I upgraded right then? Well…that’s the fun part. Sam’s club does this thing called pro-rate membership fees. Which means that if my membership started in January but I don’t shop there until say April (04), I do not pay for the 4 months of membership that I did not use. They only charge me for next 8 months. This in and of itself is totally honest and upfront, nothing weird about that in particular. But that is where the $19.76 comes in. We had already paid for our membership for the year, plus there were only 3 months left. So the $19.76 is what is LEFT for the year, not the TOTAL price of the membership. The TOTAL membership price is what the cashier was trying to get me to believe I would be paying for. She basically lied to me. In my house, and pretty much any truly honest house, purposefully only telling part of the information to get what you want – IS LIEING!

By the time we came to this conclusion, my mom and I were smoking mad. Not ready to let this thing go, my mom clicked on this little button on the Sams Club website labeled “Complaints”. Looking for it myself I cannot find it. I was however able to find the website that the “complaints” button took us to. This is the link http://www.complaintsboard.com/bycompany/sams-club-a2253.html.

Then this is the link to the specific complaint and comment thread for the subject I am blogging about: http://link http://www.complaintsboard.com/bycompany/sams-club-a2253.html

If you read it for yourself, I think you will be just as appalled as I was. In case you don’t have time at the moment, or don’t care to go look, I will summarize for you.

Membership Plus isn’t really Plus anything. (Customer review) You are supposedly able to get 2% cash back if you use a Sams Discover card. FINE PRINT—only AFTER you spend $10,000!!!!

Then two employees of Sams commented and confirmed that it is all true. Apparently the employees aren’t even told about the $10,000 fine print. They also go on to divulge that they are trained to LIE TO US! They are told to ONLY offer Membership Plus to new members and that the regular membership is to be spoken of as a “low income membership” and not available to the general public.

Their job security is based on how many Plus Memberships they sell. I am sorry, aren’t you just a cashier? Since when was it your job to push product on me? Why would a company do that to their employees? Why would a company do that to their customers??

SO – In conclusion……..drum roll please…..

The store that has taken over nearly every major city in nearly every state, and that is in the process of invading every minor city in every state is in it for….THEMESELVES!

They are not coming into your town to provide you with jobs.

They are there to screw you over and rob you blind. They want you to think you can’t survive without them, that you aren’t a “place on the map” until you have a Wal-mart and a special off ramp built just for them.

They want you to think that you are un-American if you don’t shop there, because they supposedly “support America”.

But I am no longer falling for their lies.  I will NEVER knowingly purchase products from a Wal-mart or Sams Club again.

Your All American Store (Wal-mart/SamsClub) does business the NEW “American way”.

Screw ‘em whenever and however we can.  Make as much money off of ‘em as we can, cause their too stupid to figure out what we’re doing.  Or they are too lazy to do anything about it even if they did find out.  And even if they aren’t too lazy, their wallets are stretched so thin, they’ll feel like they have no choice and keep shopping here anyway.  It’s a win-win, for us anyway.  Thanks for your cash SUCKERS!

Parking Lot or Drag Strip?

In other news, another woman was nearly mowed down while leaving the local Target.  Witnesses say that the car that nearly took her life must have thought he was at a drag strip at the speed he was going.  It is unclear if she looked both ways before crossing the street.  Officials refused to offer any comments.

 

I haven’t actually read this in the newspaper or heard it in the news, but that doesn’t make the scenario any less true.  Society does not seem to understand the monster they have created.  With your continuous lack of safety when you just walk into  traffic in the parking lot, plodding along at the speed of an old plow horse, with no care to anyone else around you, you are sending the message that you just don’t care.  I might not be in a huge hurry, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating to have to creep behind you as you walk right in the middle of the aisle.  I am not speeding, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying to have to slam on my brakes because you decide to use your right to be in the way at the last possible moment instead of just waiting 3 more seconds for me to pass.

I am not in any way saying that this behavior excuses the behavior that seems to result from these instances.  But one does seem to perpetuate the other.  You don’t care who you are inconveniencing, so why should any one else?  Parking lots have become a dangerous dangerous place.  The speed limit is not posted, so does that mean you think you can drive as fast as you please?  You want that space up front in the next aisle, so does that mean you can race around to get it? 

Vehicles are bigger and bigger than ever before.  A simple truck is no longer a simple truck.  It is now a raised/lifted gas hogging monster on giant mud tires.  It was almost impossible for you to see my 6 year old before.  The average height of the hood of an SUV is well over 3.5 feet.  My daughter is only 3 feet tall.  Can you see her?  No, you can’t, yet you drive 30 miles an hour down the aisle without even thinking that she could at any moment step from between two cars.  Even if you are the one driving the tiny car and can see very well, the giant mini vans parked in the spaces along side you are not, you still wouldn’t be able to see her, or me for that matter, until the very last second. 

There are actually certain stores that my family will not go to, simply because the public in that area has shown a complete lack of respect for those walking through the parking lot.  I was actually yelled at and threatened by two separate drivers in a parking lot, on the same day.  One on the way into the store, and one on the way out.  How sad is that?  I stop and look both ways, you have a stop sign, I cross and you speed through it with me and my two small children right in your path.  Have you no decency? 

I could even take this one step further.  If you see a mom loading her groceries in the back of her mini van with her children next to her — SLOW DOWN!  A LOT!  You will accomplish two things:1) Reduce your change of hitting one of those kids should they dart out.  2)Calm her fears and make her day a little easier because now she doesn’t have to load the van and do your job too. If you see a mom walking with her kids SLOW DOWN A LOT!  You simply cannot know when a munchkin might decide to yank himself loose from her grip and run off.  Or trip and fall into the way of your car. 

Some may not agree and that’s fine.  You should not have to do her job for her (teaching her kids to be safe in the parking lot) any more than she should have to do yours.  BUT If it was you and your children, and the driver coming towards you slowed down more than normal, giving you the space you need, would you feel a little safer?  Would you feel respected and cared about?  That’s what it is all about.  None of us want to have to fear death and injury while being in a parking lot.  Things would go a lot better if we all started practicing an old simple truth:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

Note: it doesn’t say “do to others as they have done to you.”  That perpetuates the cycle.